sodamnrelatable:

via sodamnrelatable

(Source: kisscolfer, via a--mess--it--grows)

I never, ever, intended to hurt you. I never meant to leave you with nothing but pain. I didn’t realize what I was getting into at the time. I’m sorry I’ve neglected you, brought you misery, and pretty much left with no good reason according to you. Unfortunately, for me though, it was enough. I’m sorry for confusing you so much. I hated seeing you cry, seeing you hurting. It made me cry; I feel so guilty. But, just know, I had to do this for me. I’m sorry it affected you this way. I will never be able to apologize enough for all this pain. It’s strange, being on this side of things. I’m usually on the other side in your position…not understanding, clouded with emotions and tears. I’m sorry I gave up on you. You keep telling me to give you a chance, to take that risk, and wished that I never gave up. I’m sorry but it just all got to me. It scared me, being trapped. 

I want you to know one thing. This isn’t your fault. You blame yourself for some of the reasons, but it wasn’t your fault. Shit happens. I’m sorry, bear, but that’s all I can give you. It’s better than those other cliche lines. 

You claim that I’m “the one” for you. The only person you’ll ever love in your life because of that “curse” you think of. I know you can find someone else, in a second, and be happy even though you want me still. You think I’m the perfect person for you, but I have a secret to tell you. I’m not. I’m not that person. I want you to go out in this world and find that person because she exists and I know she’s beautiful, smart, caring and won’t hurt you the way I have. I know you tell me that you don’t want her, but I know that she’s better for you. You will accept all her flaws, and you will be happy. But, you need to go out and find her. You can’t keep waiting for me. I know it’s weird for me to say this because I know once you do find her, my reaction will not be the best given our history, but if she makes you happy, that’s all I can ask for and I’ll brush it off. 

After all this, even if you resent me and still want to be my friend all at once, I have one request for you other than to go find “her”. Please, bear, don’t give up in life. Keep going because I know you have the ability to go far. I can see it, I saw it before, and I still see it now. Keep trying and pushing yourself. I know you have a lack of motivation right now, and I’ve been there before. I understand what that’s like. You used to use me as motivation, and I want you to now use your own success as your motivation to keep moving along. Don’t let this stop you, don’t let me ever stop you from pursuing something you want in life. 

Bear, I will never forget you. You were an extremely important part of my life. Someone who brought me memories no one else can bring me. You will always be bear to me as I will always be scoobert to you. Even if our time is up right now, I will look back and smile no matter how much shit we went through and put each other through. Thank you for putting up with me, I know that’s not easy all the time. Thank you for being there for me and still willing to be there for me. Most of all, thank you for loving me like you do. You cared for me, protected me, and loved me for me, not for something I wasn’t. I can’t thank you enough for sharing that with me. It was strangely beautiful and I’m so thankful for it.  I know that it’s now going away, and I will miss it, but I think it’s best for us to remember it and move on. A part of me will always care and dare I saw a small part will always love you. If you are ever in some kind of trouble, I’ll be here as much as I possibly can. 

I know I have a new chapter in my life, and I’m very happy with it. It challenges me, it’s an asshole sometimes, but I really like it. It makes me happy. I hope you can understand that. I hope you can find a new chapter in your life that makes you really happy. Just know that it isn’t me. 

So, dearest bear, you are no longer mine to claim so this is the last time I will ever call you that name(at least that you will know of because to me, you will always be my bear), I wish you all the best in life. I really mean that; I’m not just saying it. One day, I would love to hear about how you are doing just to see. To prove me right. I want you to be happy.

Love,

Scoobert.